People in relationships (be it family, friends or lovers) have what’s called Psychic Cords. As the name suggests, it means being psychically connected to someone that transcends the five physical senses (sight, sound, touch, taste and smell). Although psychic energy is free-flowing energy it is possible to get ‘tangled up’ with someone. For example, have you had an exploitive relationship where you give more than you receive? Have you had a friendship that just felt ‘draining?’ Some of the actions in these relationships might be outright hurtful. At other times, perhaps no one has uttered a harsh word. In the end though, it feels like every conversation steals your ‘oomph’ and power. So what do you do when these psychic bonds get to be too much?

The simple answer means mentally cutting the cord.

The first step to cutting psychic cords is to avoid getting angry, resentful or offended with the other party you’re trying to leave. Bring in positive energy by imagining what they want from you perfectly available to them through other avenues and means. This elevates any guilt you might feel, and it gives you the power to walk away.

Next, mentally ask them to leave you, but wish them well and imagine them being pulled into the light, so they can be healed and revitalized too.

Then imagine a golden cord that links the two of you and cut it with scissors.

The final step is to surround yourself with a protective barrier of light.

What’s unique about this exercise is that it can also be used in a variety of ways when you want to release attachments from things like disappointment, addiction or any relentless problems. Anything that you obsess or worry about (or anything that makes you feel tired and drained) can be a psychic depletion of your energy. However, by cutting psychic cords you can feel revitalized.

First, fake psychics often asked leading questions. What exactly is a leading question? It’s a question that’s asked to get information out of you. For example, rather than telling you that you have three children, a fake psychic might say something like, “How many children do you have?” They use the information they gather to try to build a portrait of you without having any real psychic ability.

Second, way you can spot a fake psychic is if they say you are cursed. They do this to get more consultations to “remove” the curse. This is actually one of the oldest tricks used by fake psychics, and believe it or not, it still works today, so don’t fall for it.

Third, not all psychics are listed with the Better Business Bureau, but some of them are. Check to see whether or not there are any blemishes on their reports.

Fourth, fake psychics often promise they can make things happen. This is totally untrue. Although true psychics can see possible scenarios in your life, they have no power to manipulate them. It’s up to you as to whether you heed a psychic’s advice. Real psychics have clairvoyance; they’re not masters of fate. So remember, anyone promising to ‘change your life’ for you is a fraud.

Fifth, look at their body language. Just like a detective in a criminal investigation is not always what someone is telling you, but how they act. Do they seem nervous? Do they overuse words like truthfully or honestly? Do they put their hand over their mouth when they speak? These are just a few signs that someone might be lying to you.

In the end, what should you look for in a psychic? A real psychic will get an impression of your life without prompting or leading questions. The less you say, the more the psychic has to rely on their ability, rather than just guessing about your life. When you find someone who can tell you about your past and your present without prompting then chances are they really can see the possibilities of your future.

Why is overcoming fear so important?

Simply put, fear stops you from improving your life. When you succumb to fear it can prevent you from doing things you should (like going to college) or make you engage in things you shouldn’t (such as staying with an abusive partner).

When you make decisions based in fear you let fear control of your life. When that happens, you find you rarely take risks, follow your dreams, become successful, and feel worthy and content. So while it is normal to feel fear (everyone does), it’s how you handle it that matters.

How to Overcome Your Fear: Three Primary Steps

The first step is to be positive. Many people who are fearful expect the worst. When you make a conscious effort to expect the best though you’ll find a positive side to each situation. This gives you the time and energy to focus on your strengths and your abilities. Tell yourself that you can handle more than you think. When you believe in yourself you are capable of handling any situation you’re given. But what do you do when fears creep into your subconscious? Immediately replace it with a positive thought. This could be recalling a time when you thought something terrible would happen and it didn’t, or even a difficulty time that you overcame. You could just recall a happy event in your lifetime instead. The point is to stay positive, positive, positive.

The second step is to look at the entire situation. Fear and worry are two sides of the same coin. When people worry it means they’re fearing the worst. But the truth is most of the things that people worry about never come to pass. It’s wasted energy. Now this doesn’t mean that you should become reckless with your decision-making. It’s about empower yourself to know when a fear is groundless and easily overcome. So look closely at your fears to see whether they are unfounded or not.

The third step to overcoming fear is to face your fear. It’s true your anxiety can increase when you think about facing your fear. However, once you have faced it, and you see the result, you’ll realize it wasn’t nearly as bad as you imagined it would be. For example, if you’re afraid of heights examine the city from a high-rise balcony. If you’re afraid of spiders, learn more about them online or in a natural habitat museum.

In order to truly overcome fear you need to realize that fear is only a feeling. Just like love, anger, etc. you have control over your feeling of fear. President Roosevelt once said during the Depression, ‘the only thing to fear is fear itself,’ which is as true today as it was in his time. It’s only when we face our fears that we can have a fulfilled life.

Now this month’s question comes from Sara M. asks…

“Pauline I need your help. My husband is crazy! And I am trying to get divorced. I have children and I’m afraid it will affect them with the way he is acting. What do I do?”

Sara, I’m sorry to hear about your situation. A breakup is never easy, but it’s worse when the person you’re dealing with is irrational. First, talk to your lawyer, and second, you can’t change what’s happen. However, what you can do is stay very sharp by being on top of things. As far as the children go, be very open with them. The key here is providing them communication so they feel loved and secure. They will help you through this. Your husband, on the other hand, is the kind of guy that won’t listen to you, or anyone. He seems to be out of control and I don’t believe medication will help because his actions aren’t caused by a medical imbalance. But what I see for you is very promising. You will be very happy within one year and in a new relationship with a balance man who loves you! So just realized that happiness is around the corner, even if it seems very dark right now.

So the main key to improving your intuition is to be more of an active participant in your life.

People who often ‘stick their head in the sand’ are also the same people who say they never saw the big events coming in their life. While it’s true we all can be blindsided from time to time, for the most part, people who are intuitive are those who are connected to their surroundings and ‘saw it coming.’

Now the surroundings might mean family, friends, coworkers, or even a pencil that sits on the desk. The point is they know their environment, no matter where they are. It might be a place that they see everyday or could be a place they’ve never visited.

When people open up their physical senses (like sight, hearing, smell, etc.) they’re bringing in the energy from around them. This energy, or life force, travels through everything in the world. If you have any chance of improving intuition, you need to be able to relate to everything around you. Here’s an exercise to help get you on the path to greater awareness.

Play guessing games. For example, before you open your eggs, guess how many are left inside the carton. Another game might be guessing the next song on the radio or how many pieces of mail you’ll find in your mailbox before you open it. You’ll find that over time your accuracy begins to improve – so much that it might actually alarm you. What you’re doing is exercising your psychic muscle and getting into shape again.

The point is to find things you can do to connect you to your environment. If you can do that, you’ll find it’s a perfect way for improving intuition about everything in your life. So whether it’s something simple, like deciding which road to take to get home, or something monumental such as love relationship you’ll start making better choices. When you improve your intuition, you improve the quality of your life, and even the lives of those around you.

First, calm yourself and quiet your mind. Try not to worry about anything. Just relax and let go of any distractions. In your mind’s eye image you’re already thin. The reason is you’re starting to train your subconscious mind regarding how to be thin.

Jumpstart your imagination. Picture yourself eating a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Consider this ‘picture’ throughout the day when hunger strikes and you’re temped to reach for that candy bar or cookie. Again, it’s important to visualize your goals on a regular basis.

Now that you’ve got your mental images you’ll do three things: 1- feel that positive energy in your body and image it’s metabolism, 2 – allow the power to drain the hunger feeling away and 3 – visualize your happiness of reaching your goal.

I firmly believe in the concept of mind over matter. And it’s easy to feel stuck, and stressed, about trying to lose the ‘same 5, 10, 15 pounds’ over and over again. But I know personally there are options to everything we do and the mind is powerful. The key is to not let life get away from you to the point that you stress out and reach for the wrong foods. So remember, everyone is beautiful and if you watch what you eat, continue to exercise and use these psychic weight loss methods you CAN shed those pounds you want to lose.

1. Rid yourself of the notion that anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. The world is seldom in black-and-white, but rather different shades of gray.

2. Keep negative energy out of your disagreements whether their professional or personal. Negative energy can include anger, accusations and belittlement, to name a few. Remember, insulting others never wins an argument, it only hurts others in compounds problem.

3. Take time to talk to others with opposing points of view. Again, you may never agree, but by broadening your mind, and trying to understand a conflicting view, you become a more flexible person.

4. Move out of your comfort zone in visceral ways by doing things you’ve never done before. This can include things like trying new foods, taken you commute to work, or participating in a new sport or hobby. The purpose is to find a new perspective on life you have encountered before.

It’s important to note that if people want to live a happy life they have to be happy. You can see some of my other newsletters to examine how having a positive outlook can increase your sense of joy. In the end, just remember that the energy that you put into the world is the same energy you get back. If you’re scared, angry or close-minded you can expect much of the same in return. However, if you are flexible, willing to embrace the unknown and enjoy life, you’ll find the secret to true happiness.

Conflict is inevitable. Even the best relationships have issues, but when you’re not constructive in your approach, conflict can be something that becomes negative and harms your relationships. Too many people try to avoid conflict and hope those conflict will just ‘go away’ on their own. That doesn’t happen and many times it only leads to more conflicts. However, if you realize that conflict can actually strengthen relationships, you might be more inclined to discuss your feelings. But how do you ‘fight constructively’?

Try these 10 Steps to Resolving Conflict:

1) Mutually agree on a time and place to discuss the conflict. Expressing a conflict to your loved one when they first come home or are heading off to work is seldom the right time. You have to agree to talk to one another when you both have time to focus on your relationship.

2) When you state what you see as the problem don’t speak in generalizations. List your concerns, but do so without judgment, accusations or ‘absolute statements’ (such as using words like “always” or “never”).

3) Put the focus on you and make “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never take out the trash” say “I would appreciate it if the trash went out more often without me asking.”

4) Let the other person speak. Communication is not a single player sport, so don’t interrupt or contradict them. Try to remember, it’s not a debate where you only have five minutes for a rebuttal. You’ll get your chance to speak, so let them talk.

5) Under no circumstance should you allow intimidating or disrespectful behavior. This can include name-calling, threats, obscenities or yelling. Remember, words can be used to hurt just as much as fists. It’s okay to fight, but fight fair.

6) Ask exploratory questions (‘what if…’ questions) and listen to the answers to see if you understand the responses.

7) After you’ve listened to the answers, use your own words to restate what the other person means. Sometimes what you hear isn’t what the other person intended. By restating it in your own words you can avoid lots of hurt feelings.

Stick to one conflict at a time by discussing the issue at hand; not every injustice since you met. Many people who think conflict will just go away on it’s own are usually the biggest violators of this rule. Don’t argue about what happened last year – stick to what’s happening now.

9) Acknowledge the person’s feelings and perceptions. Try to step outside of yourself and put yourself in their place. You don’t have to agree with them, but you should acknowledge that they have a right to have feelings, just like you have that right.

10) Seek common ground by deciding on what you can agree on and what concerns you share together. You’ll find that if you can get to Step 9, then coming to Step 10 is much easier. You’ve walked in their shoes, so you can move forward together. It’s at this point you can brainstorm solutions to the conflict so it strengthens your relationship.

Once you have a solution remember to include a timetable for implementing it, such as, ‘Starting tomorrow, I’ll take the trash out if it’s full.” You’re not just promising ‘someday’ – you’re making a legitimate plan to correct a problem.

But what happens if the discussion breaks down and you seem to talk in circles? Not all problems go away in one conversation. Forget the old adage that it’s never okay to go to bed mad. Yes, it is okay, just as long as you don’t abuse the ones you love – verbally or physically.

The best solution is to reschedule another time to meet and talk some more. It’s not a bad idea to perhaps bring in a third or forth party to hear both sides of your arguments. It’s like the trite expression says, ‘Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.’ Having someone outside your relationship look at both sides of the conflict can often help you find a resolution you never considered because ‘you’re too close’ to the situation.

In the end, resolving conflict can be quite simple. Treat people the way you wish you’d be treated…Period. When you do, you’ll find that conflict doesn’t have to be a scary thing. In fact, it can be a building block to a better relationship.

1. To convey to us there is a problem to our safety or to the safety of those we care for. 
2. To focus on a problem more attentively, often to the point where we have trouble thinking about anything else. 
3. To give us energy and prepare the physical body to take action. 

Not all people have the same anger levels though. Some people seem to be ‘easy-going’ while others have a ‘short fuse.’ The reason why is everyone have Hot Buttons that are different – triggers that create a strong emotional reaction. The good news is when it comes to your ‘anger buttons’ there are three steps you can do to prevent an annoyance from becoming a blow up: Observe, Analyze, Change.

1. Observe. Examine, without judgment or shame, what bothers you. Is there a particular pattern that happens (are you tried, with a particular person, etc.) when these feelings of anger begin? It’s important to pay attention to how you react on the inside when one of your buttons gets pushed.2. Analyze. Now that you’re aware of your anger triggers take time to analyze how you typically react. Look deeper into your anger. Yes, you might feel mad, but do you also feel stupid, helpless, paranoid, etc. when things don’t go according to the plan in your mind?
3. Change. Once you know the deeper feelings you experience when you’re angered, you can form a plan to change the way you view upsetting events. 

This same advice can help you when you deal with people who might be angry WITH YOU. Consider what else might be going on in their lives, and the deeper emotions they might be feeling. 

For example, a teenager with a ‘smart mouth’ might come off angry for not being able to stay out after midnight. But the deeper issue could be that the teen is frustrated and feels they’re not being trusted. Now, will that teen recognize that their anger is really about trust issues? Probably not. But then again, many adults fail to look deeper into their emotional hot buttons to see what’s REALLY making them mad too. 

However, if you take the time to examine your reactions, and those around you, you’ll find life can be much more fulfilling and a lot less stressful. Now next month we’ll take a few moments to examine how to resolve conflicts that come up. Believe it or not, I’ve got lots of client’s dealing with rage issues – either rage with other people or rage within themselves. So again, next month we’ll talk about how to balance your world so stay tuned. 

First, calm yourself and quiet your mind. Try not to worry about anything. Just relax and let go of any distractions. In your mind’s eye image you’re already thin. The reason is you’re starting to train your subconscious mind regarding how to be thin.

Jumpstart your imagination. Picture yourself eating a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Consider this ‘picture’ throughout the day when hunger strikes and you’re temped to reach for that candy bar or cookie. Again, it’s important to visualize your goals on a regular basis.

Now that you’ve got your mental images you’ll do three things: 1- feel that positive energy in your body and image it’s metabolism, 2 – allow the power to drain the hunger feeling away and 3 – visualize your happiness of reaching your goal.

I firmly believe in the concept of mind over matter. And it’s easy to feel stuck, and stressed, about trying to lose the ‘same 5, 10, 15 pounds’ over and over again. But I know personally there are options to everything we do and the mind is powerful. The key is to not let life get away from you to the point that you stress out and reach for the wrong foods. So remember, everyone is beautiful and if you watch what you eat, continue to exercise and use these psychic weight loss methods you CAN shed those pounds you want to lose.

I do thousands of readings, so I will tell you that most of us are unhappy, depressed and lonely. It’s not just you or those close to you. Why? One, we’re too close to a situation (so we don’t have the ability to step back and look at life from a new direction) or, two, we know what the issues are, but we think we’re powerless to change them.

In either case, that’s where I come in when you see me for a reading.

I can see where you are. I can tell you where you are going. I can make suggestions on how to get ‘unstuck.’ But like the old adage says, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

Many clients return after they failed to heed my advice and say, ‘Pauline, I should have listened to you!’ And like the stubborn horse, there’s very little I can do to help people if they refuse the help being offered.

So here’s a bit of advice…

If you’re in a situation, remember that no one is stuck. You have something called free will – the ability to make choices. For example, if you don’t like your living arrangements because you live with someone who makes you unhappy, you do have options. But often we make excuses (‘I can’t afford it,’ ‘Things will change if I’m patient,’ etc.) rather than taking action. Now some of these choices you need to make are tough. Moving out of an unhappy home might change your standard of living. However, your standard of living is never more important than your quality of life. And that’s what most people forget. For some people, change is scarier than the prospect of continuing to live unhappy, so they ‘decide’ to stay ‘stuck.’

But for some people, they decide that enough is enough. They put that fear aside to seek out a more fulfilling life. And you’ll notice these kinds of people are the ones who are truly happy in life. When fear rules your decision-making processes, change for the positive never comes to fruition.

So remember this truth… We only have one life.

Find things that will make you happy, even if they might be scary at first. When you tap into your subconscious mind, your higher-self can give you the power to change things for the better.